1. Know what you want
2. Know what might prevent you from getting what you want
3. Gather evidence to support your strong belief that you will get what you want
4. Celebrate with gratitude when you get what you want
Want to read the full story including why I keep a package of sunflower seeds in my glove compartment?
I was driving my twenty year old autistic daughter to her father’s house; knowing that my sweet gal has come off of a week where she has been easily angered without an apparent trigger and has experienced some violent outbursts, us up for a successful drive home. Successful, to those of you who have not been privy to the experience of parenting a sometimes dangerous child, means we all get there alive.
It is important to set yourself up for success. (This is how you attract serendipity) Normally I would suggest that my husband come along with me for the car ride with Kilee so that I know I’ve got an extra set of hands should she decide to have a tantrum of some sort, however, tonight he wasn’t feeling well. How can I ensure success given the lack of back up parent?
I have to say looking back on this I laugh (kind of hysterically), perhaps as a way of recognizing just how crazy the world of mom to an autistic kid can be! My secret weapon, in the event that my daughter decided to lose it and have a tantrum while I was driving, was a rather large package of sunflower seeds. Now, this may sound utterly confusing to those of you who don’t know my Kilee but Kil’s main trigger is food. For whatever reason God, the universe, angels or bad karma decided that she would be really hungry 100% of the time. She would stop dead in the middle of anything in order to pick up food so I figured that my best bet, given that I was driving a fairly long distance with her and I needed to get her safely all the way home, would be to throw the entire bag of sunflower seeds onto the floor of the vehicle and that would allow me adequate time to get to safety before she had eaten sunflower seeds. This is the kind of master plan that only other moms of special needs kids can truly appreciate the brilliance of. (I’m sure Martha Beck would have a better plan)
I tell you this story, not to encourage you to carry sunflower seeds in case of autism emergency but to make this point – nothing happened on our ride. It was a typical car ride, but I had prepared for what might go wrong and considered what I would do if that happened. I’m pretty sure that preparing for the worst without expecting it was what allowed for a normal everyday car ride.
When you have a goal, whether it is safe car ride or world domination, in order to be successful, rather than pursuing your goal I advise you to set the stage for success. Know where you’re going and how you’re going to get there. Know what’s going on around you that might affect your ability to be successful. And know what obstacles might come to you that could change your path to success so that when obstacles come (and they will) you won’t have frustration you’ll have a backup plan. Remember celebrating your strategy when you have had a success actually grows a neural pathway to allow you, in future goal attainment, to have a more optimal mindset. Knowing that you’ve been successful in the past helps you to have confidence. Having a history of successful strategies that carry you to positive outcomes actually allows for the formation of future successful strategies. When you stop pursuing and set the stage and wait, success tends to show up.
I would love to hear your success stories. Especially when you prepared for the worst then got the best because you expected it! If you know someone who keeps sunflower seeds in their glove compartment, please share this with them. Remember, happiness never decreases when shared.