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1-250-514-8459 tamara@posminds.com
Equation2Thrive #What’s Your Equation?

Equation2Thrive #What’s Your Equation?

The 2018 World Positive Education Accelerator combined the science of positive education & David Cooperrider‘s appreciative inquiry methods with a goal of making a quantum leap in the ways positive education impacts academics and well-being around the world.

Positive Education uses individual strengths and personal motivation to promote learning. 

There’s a ton of research on what it takes to live a happy and meaningful life. There was a strong agreement from all the experts in attendance including Martin Seligman,  Lea Waters and Angela Duckworth that we can do more to promote wellness.

The AI model is a method of design that looks like this:

Through this process, 1200 stakeholders including academics, educators, students, and parents participated in a highly creative process dreaming of a new future.

What positive psychology experts agree on is that when we take away all mental illness and all mental distress we still don’t have mental wellness.

We are not flourishing or thriving.

The Equation2thrive movement was one of many actions born from this process.

Our goal was bringing awareness to every individual’s personal ability to recognize and actualize their individual equation to thrive.

My personal belief is in an overarching equation that can be used every single day by every single person. It looks something like this:

The social media movement encourages individuals to reflect on their equation. It can be different every day. Sometimes you need relaxation + refection while at other times you need conversation + activity. The great thing is that there is no wrong answer.

In summary, I will leave you with the statement our team designed as well as a simple call to action.

Equation2thrive is a global movement leveraging the multiplier of positive education, spotlighting an individual’s unique potential to live a connected and meaningful life. From influencers to classrooms, carpool conversations and boardrooms all the way to the United Nations, we want everyone to know your equation matters We leave you with a simple question #what’s your equation

Please reflect, make a short video like the one below and post it on your social feeds #equation2thrive #whatsyourequation

Can Binge-Watching Make You Happier?

Can Binge-Watching Make You Happier?

According to Psychology Today, we are wired to binge-watch television. Humans are social beings and we connect emotionally with the stories and the plights of others on the screen. There’s even a new field called neurocinematics which is the study of how television and film interact with the brain. Neurocinematics research is finding that people binge to take a break from their regular lives by zoning out and being engrossed in a world that isn’t their own and that watching helps to a avoid fatigue in hectic, digitally-driven lives.

Ryan Niemiec is the founder of VIA Character Strengths, a positive psychology framework using the work first described by Martin Seligman and Chris Peterson that identifies 24 universal strengths or virtues that impact well-being. Niemiec published a book positive psychology at the movies where he provides a deeply science-backed explanation of how the language of films allow us to experience the strengths and virtues that are universal across the population so we can have a meaningful experience while thinking about the virtues that we value most. Ultimately this can lift us or put us in an upward spiral towards more positive emotion. He calls this “cinematic elevation- the experience of positive emotion when watching a character displaying a character strength coupled with an intention to act for the good”.

In your life as a movie-goer or Netflix binger, this means there are actual physical and emotional benefits to screen time. In order to help you get the most out of your couch potato time, I encourage you to take the VIA survey and start watching through the lens of your strengths. My long-time favourite movie, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, aligns well with some of my top strengths including ZEST, CURIOSITY & CREATIVITY.  Which movies or movie characters do you love and how do they relate to your strengths? Here’s a list of the strengths, grouped by category, along with some of the top movie suggestions for each one. 

Category- Wisdom and Knowlege

The category wisdom and knowledge includes the strengths of perspective, love of learning, open-mindedness, curiosity, and creativity. Many consider this virtue category to be the core, the one that makes other virtues and strengths possible. Films that engender the wisdom and knowledge virtues often have the lead character directly or indirectly sharing insight and lifting others to higher levels of wisdom and knowledge, Archetypical characters that would fall into this category are Yoda, Gandolf, and Dumbledore.
Creativity

Frida (2002)

A Beautiful Mind (2001)

Dead Poets Society (1989)

Mr. Holland’s Opus (1995)

Maniac (2001)

Awakenings (1990)

Meet the Robinsons (2007) G

Big Hero 6 (2014) G

Curiosity

Amelie (2001)

The Secret Garden (1993)

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) G

10 Items or Less (2006)

Sideways (2004)

Jurassic Park (1994)

The Machinist (2004)

Mongolian Ping Pong (2005)

James and the Giant Peach (1996)

Up (2009)

Open-Mindedness/Judgment

My Dinner with Andre (1981)

Beatriz at Dinner (2017)

Samsara (2011)

Lucy (2014)

Life as a House (2001)

Inception (2010)

Perspective

The Sixth Sense (1999)

A Beautiful Mind (2001)

Big Fish (2003)

Gone Girl (2014)

Inside Out (2015)

Love of Learning

Akeelah and the Bee (2006)

Billy Elliott (2000)

Dead Poets Society (1989)

The Karate Kid (1984)

Finding Forrester (2001)

 

Category- Courage

The category of courage includes virtues that are emotional strengths. This includes bravery, persistence, integrity, and vitality. There have been attempts by psychologists to develop scales to measure courage and others believe courage to be a way to define meaning in an otherwise meaningless world. Scientifically very little is known about genetics and neuroscience of courage. There is also a distinction, sometimes made, between personal courage and general courage. General courage involves actions that impact everyone and personal courage is individualized.
Bravery

Apollo 13 (1995)

The Diary of Anne Frank (1959)

Moana (2016) G

The Kite Runner (2007)

Napoleon Dynamite (2004)

Rudy (1993)

Saving Private Ryan (1998)

WALL-E (2008) G

Perseverance

The Pursuit of Happyness (2006)

Finding Nemo (2003) G

Babe (1995) G

Homeward Bound (1993)

Fame (1980)

127 Hours (2010)

Honesty

Forrest Gump (1994)

Shark Tale (2004) G

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) G

Pinnochio (1940)

Shattered Glass (2003)

Memento (2000)

Before I Go to Sleep (2014)

Zest

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986)

Life Is Beautiful (1997)

Mary Poppins (1964) G

Peter Pan (2003) G

Legally Blonde (2001)

Singing in the Rain (1952)

Big Fish (2003)

Category- Humanity

Virtues that fall under humanity includes love, kindness, and social intelligence. The humanity strengths are all involved in relationship building and reaching out to befriend others. Niemiec noted a trend in today’s world toward movies that emphasize the character strengths and virtues under the heading of humanity.
Love

Ghost (1990)

The Notebook (2004)

On Golden Pond (1981)

Sleepless in Seattle (1993)

When Harry Met Sally (1989)

The Princess Bride (1987)

Trainwreck (2015)

Friends With Benefits (2011)

Kindness

As Good as it Gets (1997)

Schindler’s List (1993)

The Blind Side (2009)

Wonder (2012)

Victoria and Abdul (2017)

 

Category- Justice

The next category is the virtue of justice which contains citizenship, leadership, and fairness. This domain is the about interaction between an individual and the society around them. Of the six domains of virtues, justice and humanity, according to Peterson and Seligman, are the most universal. In cinema Justice films are often produced by indie film companies and seen at international film festivals- they aren’t the big box office winners and yet there are some fabulous gems in this category.

Teamwork

The Bad News Bears (1976)

Cool Runnings (1993)

A League of Their Own (1992)

Radio (2003)

Remember the Titans (2003)

Coach Carter (2005)

Pitch Perfect (2012)

Fairness

Dead Man Walking (1995)

Ghandi (1982)

To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)

Boys Don’t Cry (1999)

Philidelphia (1993)

Leadership

Evita (1997)

The Lion King (1994) G

Black Panther (2018)

Saving Private Ryan (1992)

An Inconvenient Truth (2006)

Milk (2009)

 

Category- Temperance

The temperance domain is made up of four character strengths; modesty, prudence, mercy, and self-regulation. According to Niemiec, temperance is the category least portrayed in cinema and it’s one of the hardest to identify. It’s interesting to note that our movie heroes rarely show restraint in drinking, drug use, eating, behaving aggressively and having sex.

Forgiveness

The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

The Green Mile (1999)

Good Will Hunting (1997)

Man on Fire (2004)

Crash (2004)

Cinderella (2015)

Humility

Ghandi (1982)

Mary and Max (2009)

The Music Man (1962)

Brian and the Boz (2014)

Roxanne (1987)

Clueless (1995)

Prudence & Self-Regulation

Hacksaw Ridge (2016)

Unbroken (2014)

A Man For All Seasons (1966)

12 Years a Slave (2013)

Category- Transcendence

The final domain is the virtue of transcendence. Transcendence is described as an individual moving beyond the ordinary range of human experience and understanding. I think of transcendence as living for the greater good. The strengths that fall under this virtue include appreciation of beauty, gratitude, hope, humor, and spirituality. Transcendence can elicit a number of positive emotions that are related to our happiness including joy, awe, and admiration. Films in this category may contain a spiritual message or a feeling of deeper connection with something bigger than oneself.
Appreciation of Beauty & Excellence

Frida (2002)

Pocahontas (1995) G

WALL-E (2008) G

Chariots of Fire (1981)

Race (2016)

March of the Penguins (2005) G

Into The Wild (2007)

Gratitude

Freaky Friday (2003)

Mr. Holland’s Opus (1995)

It Could Happen to You (1994)

Trading Places (1983)

Slumdog Millionaire (2008)

Pay It Forward (2000)

The Blindside (2009)

Hope

Life Is Beautiful (1997)

Miracles From Heaven (2016)

Freedom Writers (2007)

Erin Brockovich (2000)

The Help (2011)

Humor

Austin Powers (1997)

Something About Mary (1998)

Anchorman (2004)

Meet the Parents (2000)

Zoolander (2001)

Ace Venture Pet Detective (1994)

Spirituality

Eat, Pray, Love (2010)

Wild (2014)

Samsara (2011)

Little Buddha (1993)

Amadeus (1984)

If you think of one not on this list, please send it our way and we’ll add it. Get your popcorn ready and happy binge-watching!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Letting Go of Limiting Beliefs- The Shortcut to Happiness

Letting Go of Limiting Beliefs- The Shortcut to Happiness

When you uncover a limiting belief or an unconscious bias you become more able to see past them. This means you can create more social connections which are a proven tool for increasing happiness. What are limiting beliefs and unconscious biases and what do they have to do with happiness anyways?

The Definitions

Limiting Belief 

A belief is an acceptance by the mind that something is true or real. Beliefs are the lens that you see the world through and they:

  1. tell you what you like or don’t like
  2. define for you what is possible or impossible
  3. anchor your judgments
  4. affect your relationships
  5. contract or expand your potential
  6. harness or hijack your passion
  7. lower or raise your level of happiness

Each of us lives within and operates out of a complex set of beliefs that define us and the world in which we live. Beliefs are our reality-making blueprint and limiting ones are the ones that keep us from doing, going, being or feeling something. They are not truths but when they are not questioned they can feel true.

Unconscious Bias

Unconscious bias refers to bias that happens automatically, triggered by our brain’s judgments of people and situations, influenced by our background, cultural environment creating an unexamined belief about a particular category of people. We all have them and having them does not make you a hateful person; examining them allows you to remove your blinders and open your mind.

I always think of dominant and subordinate populations when I explore biases. Dominant groups of people are those who fit into the majority. An obvious example is straight white men. They are dominant to gay white men, men of colour, and women.

Subordinate  refers to a group that is a minority and who regard themselves as objects of collective discrimination. Depending on who you are with, you may be the dominant person OR the subordinate person in a relationship or conversation. This fluctuates from one relationship to another. When you are the dominant person, your job is always to listen with an open mind in order to examine your biases.

Happiness

There are many ways to define happiness but one of my favourites comes from positive psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky who says happiness is ” the experience of joy, contentment, or positive well-being, combined with a sense that one’s life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile.” When you connect with those around you; friends, family members, and colleagues you both get the benefits of increased well-being. Positive social connection is a shortcut to happier living.

I’ve Uncovered It- Now What?

Discovering limiting beliefs and unconscious biases is only the first step. Once you have identified one, here are a few steps to take to help you let it go and change your pattern:

  1. Celebrate that you noticed a belief or bias- it’s the first step!
  2. Observe your pattern. You’ve noticed it, now become a student of when, where, why, and how it happens.
  3. Drop self-judgment. It won’t help you. We all have beliefs and biases. If you think you don’t, that’s one of yours!
  4. Replace your negative with something positive. In habit formation, you have to replace your old action/thought with a new supportive one.

Go out of your way to learn what you need to in order to open your mind. Children who go to a diverse pre-school are way less likely to hate people according to Sally Kohn, author of We Need to Fix Hate. If you notice your friends of choice are all just like you, perhaps it’s time to expand a bit.

Ask yourself:

  1. Are all my friends the same ethnicity as me?
  2. Are all my friends in the same line of work as me?
  3. Do my friends all send their children to the same school that mine attend?
  4. Do I have friends who are more/less wealthy than me?
  5. Do I have friends who are younger/older than me?
  6. Do I have friends from various religions?
  7. Do I have friends who vote differently than I do?

Make it a priority to expand your social circle or if you are lucky enough to already have a rich and varied group of friends spend time reflecting on how your differences enrich your relationship.

We will always have judgements about others. We are wired, for safety, to notice differences. When you discover a difference celebrate the opportunity for expanded awareness. When differences cause friction, as they frequently do, look for common ground to build from.

I can look at someone I see as nothing like me and still find a sense of shared human experience. I do not support Trump but I can see that we are both parents and business owners and spouses. I don’t believe that guns should be widely available for purchase but I understand that I want my family to be safe just like the NRA supporters do. Focusing on where we are similar helps break down and fear or anger that drives our differences.

Do not believe in anything (simply) because you have heard it ; Do not believe in traditions, because they been handed down for many generations ; Do not believe in anything, because it is spoken and rumoured by many ; Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books ; But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.

Buddha Jayant

 

 

The Time for Meaning is Now-Is Finding Purpose the Most Pressing Need of Our Time?

The Time for Meaning is Now-Is Finding Purpose the Most Pressing Need of Our Time?

Things have changed over the past few  generations. Conversation has turned from making a living to living a meaningful life. Consciousness experts like Deepak Chopra, Jean Houston, and Martha Beck have all noted that more than ever before people are waking up.

Waking up to a higher level of living where life’s greatest questions are:

Who am I?

and

Why am I here?

Despite this awakening, most people have occasional moments of wondering or even actively searching for their purpose yet the majority of us never spend specific time focused on discovering purpose.

For many, the search for purpose starts like this:

  • You recognize something is wrong but you can’t quite put a finger on it
  • You identify that you want more  (but don’t always know more of what?)
  • You crave making a difference and living a life of impact
  • You get hints about what that would be like, sparks of inspiration & recognition
  • You become paralyzed and don’t act out of fear

We were taught to make a living but not about making a life. People ask “What do you want to be when you grow up?” and we begin at a young age to equate purpose with a job. But purpose isn’t about how you pay the bills. It’s about passion.

It can seem that everyone is passionate about something and either yours is missing, hidden or you have piled it beneath a to-do list that might keep it buried for good.

Or perhaps you are surrounded by people who don’t dream, don’t follow their passion and who try to keep you from going after yours. this can lead you to a state positive psychologists call purpose anxiety.

 

Purpose anxiety happens when looking for your purpose actually increases anxiety. Research says up to age 23 looking for a purpose is fun but older than that it actually causes unhappiness and depression. This means many people looking for their purpose are looking from a negative place.

Carin Rockland, purpose researcher, gives this advice:

  1. Purpose is not a noun.
  2. Purpose is a verb
  3. Starts with the word to_____________. (as in to write, to teach, to inspire)
  4.  Goals, Meaning, Passion are not purpose. You will have many goals on the way to purpose but these goals are not the purpose. Meaning is the comprehension of the world around us. This is not the same. Meaning is greater context purpose is an active life aim. Passions change. Passion is a strong inclination toward something. Passion is a clue to purpose but isn’t the same as purpose.

Three aspects of purpose

  • BE
  • DO
  • IMPACT

Finding purpose

Some people are naturally lucky. They know what their purpose is from a young age. Social modeling can influence children or a trauma happens that sparks a realization. Spirituality plays a role for some. But what about those of us who don’t?

  1. Replace the word find with the word uncover. Let’s not imply that our purpose is lost.
  2. Have more positive emotions. They help us see connections that we might not otherwise see. You have to be in a positive mindset before you begin.
  3. Be curious.
  4. What are your strengths and when have you used them in a way that felt like you made a difference.
  5. Tell people about your joy. Sharing our joy increases joy. When you share a story about a happy or joyful experience it has far greater benefits than just remembering it or writing it down for ourselves.

Purpose can hit you over the head like a sledgehammer or it can land on your shoulder like a butterfly. My personal experience was like bringing a camera into focus. I had the picture right there in the frame but it took awhile to decide where the focus should be and what was in the background.

Do you have a purpose? I’d love to know how old you were when you discovered it and what it is.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Letting Go Might Be the Best Superpower in Your Happiness Toolkit

Letting Go Might Be the Best Superpower in Your Happiness Toolkit

I use seven science-backed happiness hacks to change mindsets and encourage a resilience tipping toward joy. I’ll let you in on a secret- one of the seven seems to have more power than all the others. It’s forgiveness.

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. Mark Twain

When we hold on we impact our own health at a cellular level. The production of hormones is thrown off and the ability to fight infection drops. People with higher self-esteem find it easier to forgive. And this isn’t just about anger. Many people choose sadness over anger but guess what- sadness is just anger with less intensity.

Have you ever had a relationship where the break up lasted longer than the time you spent together? Do you still have a nemesis from your childhood? Do you stop trusting people easily? If you answer yes to any of these, you may need to strengthen your forgiveness muscle!

Take the forgiveness quiz.

 

A few things to remember that can help you as you get better at forgiving.

  1. Forgiving does not mean you condone the action
  2. You don’t have to forget when you forgive.
  3. You don’t need to relate to the person you forgive.
  4. When you forgive you give up all hope of a better past.
  5. When you let go of the past you are free to open up to a new future.

Deep healing occurs with time. Or it can happen overnight. There isn’t a way that is better. Whatever works for you works for you!

 

Why Self-Doubt Is Your Worst Enemy- Kick It to the Curb Today!

You think things are going well in your presentation, then you catch someone checking their phone, yawning, or not paying attention and you feel that panic well up in your gut. You lose focus and start to sweat. Your mind starts to go over all the things you are doing wrong. ” I should have worn the other shirt.  My other opening remarks really were stronger. I hate speaking in meetings. I knew I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, tall enough, young enough…” Lack of confidence in oneself and one’s abilities is self-doubt. It has killed more dreams than lack of skill ever has.

And unfortunately in today’s world where things are constantly changing, it’s easy to fall prey to that nasty little voice that says “You can’t”.

Here’s the only good thing about self-doubt. You made it, so you can fix it.

Six Consequences of Self-Doubt

1. Imposter phenomenon. This is when you attribute your success to something or someone else. Making statements like “I was just in the right place at the right time” or “My team really did all the work” downplays your role in a success.

The fix?

When you do something well, receive praise. It’s okay to say a simple thank you without downplaying your part.

2. Self-handicapping. This nasty consequence of your doubt results in your doing something that gives you an excuse if you fail. Also called self-sabotage it’s like going out drinking the night before a job interview. If you don’t get the job you can blame it on the hangover rather than risking failure when you performed your best.

The fix?

Stop seeing failure or mistakes as bad and start seeing them as part of the process. If you value lessons learned from mistakes as important steps to success you can start to see them as part of the process rather than roadblocks.

3. Procrastination. We all know what this one is. Putting off an important task because you fear the evaluation once it’s finished.

The fix?

The simplest way to overcome procrastination is to schedule. When you have an assignment immediatelly break it into manageable steps and add them to your calendar. Use rewards or an accountability partner if that helps keep you on task. What gets scheduled gets done.

4. Defense Pessimism. This is when you rehearse all of the worst possible outcomes in your head. Good news. Even though all the self-help gurus say “Your thoughts create your reality” this consequence is actually good for you.

Wait, what?

Positive Psychology research has shown that rehearsing the worst case scenario actually buffers you against a downward spiral when things go wrong.  The key is also rehearing what you will do if the worst case scenario comes true.You already thought that this might go wrong so you are prepared. You don’t panic because you had a plan B.

5. Subjective Overacheivment. This one doesn’t seem like a bad thing at first glance; it’s tremendously overdelivering consistantly. The problem here is burnout. Constantly overdelivering is exhausting. And once people at the office expect you to go above and beyond you have to raise the bar again to maintain overacheiver status.

The fix?

Be good. Deliver what was asked for on time. Make your goal be precision rather than perfection. Give them what they wanted not double or triple what they wanted. A tweet or a haiku are can be as profound as a news article or a Shakespearean sonnet.

6. Other enhancement. I think of this one as the blame game. Your failure is attributed not to your shortcomings or mistakes but to someone else’s good fortune. “I couldn’t compete with him, his Dad worked here for 30 years” or “He went to the same college as the hiring team so there was no way I can compete”

The fix?

Tell a different story. One that paints you as the winner, the successful one or the obvious choice. Instead of worrying about the advantages you don’t have, focus on the positive assets you do have.

A little self-doubt is normal. Chronic self-doubt is a career stopper. If you recognize any of the six traits above, you may need a little self-esteem boost.

Next week’s blog is all about enhancing self-esteem. Stay tuned. And in the meantime, I’d love to hear about how you kick self-doubt to the curb. Do you have a power position, an affirmation, or some special socks? Comment or share it on one of my social feeds.